whimsyofemily It sounds like Cassidy is still into Kevin. Arrange to spend some quality time in person together and see what happens. As a woman who was always against long distance relationships (for me) but found herself in one, I can say that some rules are meant to be broken. Is it harder than a close distance relationship? Yes. Is it a little scarier than a close distance relationship? Yes, it's tough when you can't see your significant other frequently. The distance will require you to communicate more openly, it takes more effort to be in a long distance relationship but if you find yourself being reminded of Kevin by little things you're not over him and won't be over him. You two never had a big fight, and you two never had reason to fall out of like with each other. The more you try to exorcise the ghost of your Kevin attraction from your system the harder it will be for you to move on emotionally from him. Try giving Kevin some effort and see what's returned. How does he communicate? What are your life goals? How different are your career goals and why is that a showstopper? What are your values? Different backgrounds mean you come from different points of view on life, but if you two learn to recognize where you're both coming from, check in with yourselves, and communicate through the differences, you can make the relationship work barring you both still want it to be.

Travelling Girl Try something fun like a mobile app for people in long distance relationships! http://mashable.com/2012/03/23/pair/

Jewlz4Prezident OK...from reading what you wrote, here's what it seems like to me - and if it seems incorrect, certainly disregard any of the advice I will offer... To me, you offered a detailed backstory in order to highlight how significant your strong feelings for Current GF are...that usually you feel a little unemotional about the connection, but this time you feel very strongly about the connection, which I think impacts your resolve to figure this problem out and find a solution. With that being said, in the past, you were not very emotionally involved (except 1st long-distance girl), and you mention how sometimes they might consider you their BF, but you did not consider them your GF. What this tells me, is that in this case, the tables have turned and you're feeling kind of vulnerable in a situation you are usually in control of, but at the moment you are a bit at the mercy of your GF's whims (when she wants to text/talk). That in itself is probably causing a lot of underlying discomfort with the whole situation, in addition to the historic pattern of girls quitting you cold-turkey, without explanation. That aside, here is what I would suggest: Consider first, how long this relationship will be long-distance, and if there is any plans in the future for you two to live closer. Based on that answer, assess how long you could tolerate the relationship as it is right now (only months, years?). Then, consider some options of ways to keep in touch and how often would be acceptable for you - think of what you have tried, and what hasn't worked. For example, maybe daytime phone calls are not working, but daytime texts of pictures of cute animals with captions that don't need an immediate response and a scheduled nightly "Goodnight" phone call would work. Or sending quick links for jokes and pictures on facebook would work, and I would really consider trying the App that Travelling Girl suggested. Do a little trial and error and be a little creative. After considering that, I think you should look inward. It seems like you are very sensitive to trying to make sure you are meeting HER needs, which is definitely a positive thing. However, depending on how long things will be long distance and what you figure out to be your tolerance of level of communication...I would then suggest you look within yourself and think "is she meeting MY needs?" At the moment, she is not, since you crave more affectionate and attentive behavior than she is providing. It could just be that the communication methods you are used to are just not working (calling during the day, song suggestions), or it could be that a long-distance relationship just doesn't work between you and this particular woman at this time. Overall, I do not think that you are being ridiculous at all, and that you have a very valid concern. I think you should consider how long this will be long distance, how long you could last with things this way if they don't change, and use trial and error to test a big variety of methods to see if any of them stick. If they don't, consider whether she is meeting your needs as a relationship partner. Good luck!!

Kingfisher Well. I've had two excellent responses in the first day I've been on here, with no contacts to speak of. I'm certainly impressed with this website... and I'm probably going to be an active member around here just to try and give back a little. Travelling Girl, your suggestion (while a bit saccharine sweet for my taste) is certainly a good one... and I'll probably give that a go, honestly. The only minor speedbump is figuring out how to bring it up. It even goes hand-in-hand with what Jewlz was saying (which, by the way, "feeling kind of vulnerable in a situation you are usually in control of" was spot on. I didn't even think about it that way!) and some of her advice and thoughts. It's strange to think that I'm not really considering what I'm needing, at the moment. Perhaps I should do a little more of that, in regards to this current girlfriend. Thank you both!

whimsyofemily Being in a relationship is sort of like a long term negotiation. Yes, I would like to do that. I'd prefer not to do that again. One of the best life skills is what I call taking your pulse: you check in with yourself to see what it is that you need. For your relationship to work it must meet both of your needs. There is nothing wrong with or needy about missing someone and wanting to talk to her--it's quite healthy! We're all to some extent afraid of being rejected, you especially because you've usually done the rejecting and think that you really like this girl. Hokie though it may sound, embrace your feelings as part of the journey. Start taking walks or exercising on a regular basis and be sure to meet up with friends to keep the balance in life. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. If she's not it there are billions of other people in the world. Above all, life is sort of like this grand experiment where as you meet more people, as you date more, you will in find time the right combination. Also bear in mind that even when you've met "the one" communication to check in with each other will be crucial to making things work. The sooner and more effectively you learn to communicate, the better off you will be in every sphere of your life. Good luck!

whimsyofemily In a healthy relationship your partner should make you feel better about yourself. You need to work on your self-esteem and rejection issues. It's tough to move on from the first person you date as he's all that you know. If the guy broke off an engagement then traveled to see you, you are a rebound. Find a qualified therapist, start exercising, focus on your job, read some books on how to be a better communicator then try to apply those in your life, get a hobby, find a great cause to volunteer for, or maybe adopt a pet. I can't stress enough how many great ways there are to learn, grow, and improve yourself. Everyone I know found someone when he or she was not looking, so don;t look, focus on you! There is someone out there for you but this guy is not him.

WotWentWrong Blog Hey KingFisher! We are so glad you enjoy using WotWentWrong! We look forward to reading about your relationship as it progresses!

StealthSeductress Connecting with an ex crush is like opening a Forrest Gumps's box of chocolates...You never know what you are going to get. First look within yourself. Why would you travel to see this man? How long have you been single? Have you healed from your marriage? Now the GUY, If he wanted a real relationship, he would have come to see you. Here is my rule based on experience...never travel more than 60 miles. And really I thinking of modifying this rule to never travel at all. Second, if you had sex with him when you went to see him, this really sealed the deal as in, shut the door to a serious relationship. I mean, you see him online after how many years, fly out to see him (at your expense?) then are surprised that he doesn't respond? Well, he probably is thinking A) she comes to visit me after how many years...desperate B) She is recently divorced with two kids....She probably just wants to have a new daddy for her kids and maybe that thought terrified him. C) If you had sex, He probably is thinking....She is easy and desperate and she does this with every guy. Now the long distance factor....with all these variables why would he want to get involved with someone who seems to have a self worth issue, I mean if it were so eager to see him, a now stranger, who knows how many other men you have hanging at home, so maybe he cannot trust you. A weekend fling is a fantasy scenario. If I was you, and I've been you, think of just letting that tie go. Your feelings after a divorce are raw and hurt. Maybe take some me time and evaluate yourself because this visit seems as a symptom of loneliness. Plus, he was part of a by-gone era, the pre-mommy wife phase and you may have just been chasing a shadow, we cannot catch a shadow. Move on and don't worry about this guy. The way I see it, this is a great learning opportunity and you can vest your energies into yourself. If you change the view as to one of learning and loving yourself in the midst of rejection, stop the self talk of what "I" did wrong. Say, I put myself out there. I am making the first steps into my new life as a single mom. Give yourself time to heal and be the best you. Good luck!

Jon W. I like this story. I think it sounds like a person who has passion, courage, and wants real experiences. I like the person in this story. Might I try and change the dynamic? Nothing went wrong, everything went right. You reconnected with a man you had a crush on for the longest time, flew out to his city to see him, spent an amazing weekend together and (I assume) had hot amazing sex. So why are you feeling desperate, unfulfilled and upset? You need to expand the way you view and experience men, sex and relationships. I thing there is a sort of ego issue here, in that if a man doesn't follow up a sexual encounter with offers and desires to invest in your life, you've been disrespected and used and now this person somehow thinks less of you. That's just social conditioning and that negative voice in your head that your mom gave you. Go back to this story, and rewrite it like its a sexy fun awesome fantasy that any woman (or man) would drool over. Then say to yourself 'I did that and it was awesome'. If you feel bold, share the experience with the man on Facebook, take a deep breath and get back to living your fun life. And next time you feel that desire for some fun exciting times with a man, you'll be more ready for it. Ciao