Well. It's been a while since my last post... and since i try and use this as a place to reflect on how this relationship is going, I see no time like the present.
She came home this past weekend as a sort of early Valentine's deal. It was cute, really... we went on a legitimate date, came home, did couple things... it was nice. The weekend was distinctly lacking in the sexual department, though... but I'm certainly not going to fault anyone for that. She had a UTI, so who can blame her for turning down sex? She still took care of me (which I very much appreciated)... but that's sort of where the catch is. I'll explain with a few details.
Comic Book Girl and I have a fairly vanilla sex life, which is perfectly fine (for now, at least). The one kicker is that we haven't actually had full-on sex, yet. We've just fooled around a bit. Okay, a lot. I wanted to take things a little slower than usual, at the beginning (which felt natural to me, seeing as how I finally learned my lesson that sex in a personal context that isn't a one night stand always means something) and so did she. She's a little bit shy (to say the least) in and out of the bedroom. So... we took it slow. She was more comfortable to take care of me with no reciprocation at first, but I gradually convinced her to let me do something for her. So... yeah. Fooling around, in all contexts. The subject of sex has been broached since then... but it seems that it's always a comedy of errors when we try. She forgot her birth control, I don't have condoms, we already got started. It's her time of the month. Now... UTI. We don't get many chances at this (long distance) and it's really starting to bum me out, actually... but that's neither here nor there. I'm simply grateful to have this woman at all. We'll get around to fucking each other's brains out whenever we get around to it. I'm fine with that. The whole long-distance love thing complicates that a bit... because I can't exactly pop over to her house and get things going without a three hour drive. Again, bummer.
I need to get back on topic. This past weekend.
So... like I said. UTI. Seeing as I hadn't seen her in a couple weeks, I was ridiculously excited just to be around her. Once I was able to take her to bed, I immediately did... and like I said before, UTI, she took care of me. It's what happened afterwards that worries me a bit. We got close and settled in to watch a movie, during which she began to tease in a very unfair manner. I started to act on it... but she stopped me, saying we'd get back to it after the movie. We didn't. She fell asleep smiling and telling me to wait until morning, and I was content to just sleep beside her. I'm cute, sometimes... and I'd missed just being next to her. The following morning, post teeth-brushing, I attempted to get things going (again) and she turned it down to shower. A perfectly logical thing to do, I think... but later I realized that she'd missed the point, entirely. She got out of the shower, and I made a move... and after a little bit, she began to say really disconcerting things. Things like "Why are you always kissing me?" and "Can't you just do something that isn't so... physical?" I really didn't know what to think. I can attribute lack of sex and low sex drive to the UTI easily... but comments like those have to stew for a while before they get said. I think. The last time we were together, we spent a lot of the time doing sexual stuff. I don't know where the drop-off happened... but my anxiety gut tells me that maybe she isn't as interested, which aligns with her lack of communication, as of late. Then again, rational brain says that lack of communication is due to nineteen credit hours and lack of sex drive for one night is hardly indicative of overall sexual interest, especially when the person in question is experiencing pain in their lady bits. I don't know... like always, I'm on here to talk about stuff and hope that maybe someone has an opinion. I think we just need to get it on and get it over with... but that much pressure could be... damaging when it comes time to get down to business. These are things that I worry about, and it's a pretty vicious cycle/self-fulfilling prophecy.
Other than my nervous ramblings, things are good. She was very affectionate, I returned the favor, and we parted on very, very good terms. She took my sweater with her (as a reminded/way to miss me less), and she's been talking to me a lot more than before. I'm actually going to proposition her to see if she'd be okay with me visiting this upcoming weekend. That should take away a lot of this anxiety, I think. I never feel it when she's around... I only feel it when she leaves. I just want reassurance. Sexual reassurance, and romantic reassurance. Selfish? Maybe. Do I need it? Also yes.
Please comment! I also put a question to vote on.