I had planned to leave work, and was enjoying a glass of wine before I headed out. While I was changing my shoes and packing my purse, the co-worker (that I gave my number to) came up to me and asked me if I was working on Saturday. I told him that I already had plans, but on Sunday, there was a costume karaoke party that I was headed to and he should come with. He said that he would, and went off in search of our boss.

     I sat to enjoy my glass of wine and a bunch of us co-workers started talking. One glass turned into two, which turned into a poker game, which turned into another glass of wine, which turned into onion rings and deep fried pickles, which turned into another glass of wine.

    Before I knew it, it was 3am and I was sending myself home. I hopped on the packed streetcar and luckily got a seat by the window. When I was about halfway home I saw this guy out the window, I definitely recognized. To the right of this guy; Nate. My drunken haze got me off the streetcar and towards them. They were headed into a all-night restaurant, but it was full of halloweeners and it was quickly decided that pizza was our option. 

    The three of us walked, laughing and chatting for about five blocks. Tom decided that he would skateboard ahead to hit the bank before heading back to their place. That left Nate and I to walk the remaining five blocks alone. We chatted a bit, joking around. He asked me if I knew whether I was working or not the following day. I told him it depended on my co-worker and I was annoyed that our date may have to be put on hold. We decided that if I had to work (and our date was forced to be scheduled), we would meet at our local and have a couple bevies anyways.

    About a block away from his house, he held my hand. Two of his roommates were awake and hanging out in the living room. One of them I enjoy because I feel he is very intelligent, but the last two times that I have been over to Nate's house I have found him to be cruel and condensing. He was both these things, and more. At one point Nate told him to be nice. Immediately after that he went off to his bedroom.

Maybe the roommate is angry because he knows all the details from the past, and dislikes me because he feels I may have hurt Tom. 

    You see… Between the time that Nate and I began and he (Nate) rejected me, Tom had made it clear that he was interested. After Nate had rejected me, Tom and I hung out a bunch of times. We would eat candy, go on walks, flirt while enjoying swings in the park. Finally one day we both had some time off and he took me on a date.

    He showed up, dressed up and with beautiful flowers. He took me to a trendy place for pre-dinner cocktails, then to a fine dining restaurant with a great reputation. He told the restaurant that he had a seafood and mushroom allergy, because they often sent out extras, and he didn't want me to be embarrassed when I couldn't eat something. We chatted and laughed, had great wine and great food. He walked me home, and held my hand. When we got to my front door he kissed me goodnight, and I headed inside. He had the absolute worst breath ever. Maybe he had eaten something I hadn't, but it was actually putrid. 

    The breath aside, that date was my dream date that I thought I would never go on. Most guys invited me over to their houses, or we'd have some drinks in the park. Dinner was a good date, but this was a great date….. But something felt off about it.

    It was the perfect date, but it wasn't with the perfect man. When I took off my heels I realized that I could have a million great dates, but if they weren't with the right man, they wouldn't be right. I called him instantly and asked my fiance to come over and that I needed to talk to him. He asked if everything was alright, and headed on his way. When my fiance arrived I explained how perfect the night had gone. He looked really upset and I told him that to me it was the perfect date with the wrong man. I told him that I needed to go on that date to realize how much I cared for him, and how important he was to me. I asked him if he'd be mine and that was the day I committed myself to him.

    Maybe angry roommate is upset because I never saw Tom again. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I had chosen someone else over him. I should have been honest about things, but I just let it fade into the background. Tom and I went out for breakfast over a month after our perfect date. It was then, I told him I was seeing someone else. My flaw was not mentioning how serious I was about my fiance (although at that point, not engaged). Even then I left things open-ended and I feel for all the money and work that went into that date, Tom has a right to be upset. Maybe the angry roommate is upset for Tom.

    After the angry roommate left, Nate and I listened to some music and Tom appeared. He sat in the living room with us and the three of us hung out, no awkwardness, just had fun. I did my best to make sure everyone was included in conversation, which can sometimes be hard with three people. Tom had brought a bunch of candy and we giggle and shared the swedish berries. The arrival of the pizza was long awaited and well received. I enjoyed my Hawaiian pizza, as I had gone so many months without. It's hard to have your favourite when your spouse hates those toppings.

    At one point I attacked Nate for saying something assholish, he grabbed my arms and wouldn't let go. As I whined looking for freedom and asking Tom for help, he said he was going to bed, and was gone before I could turn around. Nate pulled me on top of him and as I straddled him, I started to realize that wasn't what I wanted. I apologized to him, climbing off and saying, "I'm sorry, I can't do this yet." I crossed the room and sat down back on my chair.

   I texted Tom to come back, but he replied telling me that he was already comfy in bed.

We put on a cartoon with spanish subtitles and I sat against Nate on the couch. He wrapped an arm around me and we giggled as we watched the zombies, and I repeated things in spanish (from English). Tom texted me again while I was sitting with Nate, and I checked it, "We should grab lunch or drinks soon". I turned off the screen as fast as I could, but am certain that Nate saw the text. I didn't response, but instead just enjoyed watching cartoons.

    After the episode I realized it was around 6:30 in the morning. As I took my glass to the kitchen and Nate followed. He kissed me, a little aggressively and pushed me lightly into the wall. I kissed him back for a minute and politely pulled away. I'm definitely interested, but I did not want things to escalate, I'm really not ready to have sex yet. 

    He grabbed my face and forced it into his. He grabbed at both my wrists and held them above my head a little bit aggressively. Normally I would have gone absolutely crazy when a man did this to me, and I would have been all over him. In the past I had been, and he knows that these moves work well on me.

    I would be lying if I said it didn't turn me on, it was really hot. I made out with him for a couple minutes against the wall and finally pulled myself away. I told him nicely that I had to go home. He said No and gently pushed me into his bedroom. "Not tonight Nate, I'm going to see you tomorrow anyways."  No he protested. 

    I was sharp with him, and I told him that when he wasn't ready, that I gave him time and space, and now I'm changed. I'm in a different space mentally and that he would have to grant me the same allowance that I gave him. He said okay, as if he understood, and it felt too easy. I expected him to fight with me about it, but he allowed me to collect my things. 

    I put on my shoes at the door and as he pulled it open I shut it and threw my body against his. I kissed him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling my entire body against his. Finally, after a couple minutes, I slowly pulled myself away and he open the door again. He put me into a cab after one final kiss and we said goodnight.

I texted him "good night" in Spanish when I got home.

I do want to do sexual things, but I do not want to just do them. It would be nice if I could do them with someone who treats me well. I deserve that. Nate has treated me terribly in the past, and is on the path to correcting that. I want to actually try dating him and seeing how that goes. I don't want to just hang out in our bedrooms again.