"Why do I always end up dating the wrong people?"
Patterns, they emerge on and on in relationships. Why is it?
What I've come up to is that every single relationship I have been into, faces a difficult stage just at the very moment I'm not able to keep some complaints for myself. The details on the complaints may vary, but what's common to all of them is a claim of recognition, the usual underlying discourse is this:
"Hey, since you are my girlfriend you should be able to do this or that for me in order to demonstrate you care".
I'm trying to discover the origin of this pattern. After reviewing some info about psychology here and there, I can tell that this kind of stuff is deeply rooted to our childhood and the way we learned to relate with people during the first years of our lives. In my case , I consider it has to do with the kind of upbringing my parents provided for me....Freudian indeed: mom was not that close.
Anyway, what do you think? Have you noticed some patterns of your own?
Comments
Oh yes I do...for most of my childhood, my mother was "unavailable"...she had 4 other kids and her own emotional issues. I found myself craving attention from men who were unavailable as well. Even though these situations hurt us, it's what is familiar to us, and what we believe love should feel like. I'm happy to say, my awareness and knowledge of this pattern is helping me to me avoid playing out that same painful scenario in current relationships.
I definitely believe that our past can have an influence on how we interact with our others in any kind of relationship. Growing up with a lot of insecurities and a lack of a father figure, I would seek validation for how worthy I was from men. I also seemed to be attracted to the tormented souls - like part of me wanted to save them - as if that too was some kind of validation that I was special to someone. It's important to be aware of our issues and work on them in order to find a healthy relationship.
I totally relate. Also brought up by an unavailable mother, my feelings, doubts and concerns as a child never respected, always craved the attention of men, using my sexuality as an exchange currency for affection. The outcome was even worse, no man respects a woman that's easily led to bed. The nice guys that have been in love with me were always treated poorly, always ending heartbroken. I've been working on these issues in different ways and I've reached their origins, the blocks that don't allow my life to smoothly move forward. Now is the time to untie the knots and have the strength to say NO next time I'm confronted with an old pattern.
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